It's been so damn long since I have added anything to Xanga I almost forgot how. I know I used to have to use a certain color scheme to get this to even show..... so if you can't read it, sorry.

I just wanted to let everyone know I am still alive. I've been on Facebook a lot more but if they don't stop changing things who knows?

Happy New Year all. xo

So, did  I mention I had surgery a week and a half ago? I had what's called a  D&C with Uterine Ablation. It's really a horrid procedure but I am hoping it helps with some problems I have had with anemia. It all stems back to the blessed thyroid problems. Because my thyroid isn't right, it causes me to have that monthly visitor too often and too heavily so this surgery was a step before getting a hysterectomy to control that. Hopefully it will work, but it's too soon to tell. I am still dealing with the after effects of surgery and its causing me to be anemic and giving me a headache that is out of this world! There is really no way to describe an anemia headache. It's awful and nothing touches it.

Now that I have offered up WAY TMI...........

I can talk about something else.

Lately it seems like my brain is working overtime. Not that it hasn't always done that, but lately its about really deep concepts. I am starting to think this is what is referred to as a mid life crisis. It's not that I am ready to run off and buy a new sporty car or get myself a young boyfriend on the side...it's just that I really feel this overwhelming sense of need to change the things I don't like about myself and my life. I keep coming back to the idea that this is IT....I am not going to get another chance to be THIS age again or to have my kids this age again....It's hard to explain. I just can't help but remember back to being in my 20s and being miserable with the way I look..and then when I was a teen and being miserable about the way I look....etc etc etc. Suddenly it dawned on me that I have NEVER been happy about the way I look and it's time to stop bashing myself internally about things I may not be able to control. If I don't change something soon, eventually I am going to be 70 and sitting around bitching about how I don't like the way I look and I will have NEVER known what it was like to be at peace with myself. Especially while I still had some youth to enjoy.

Does that make ANY sense?

I know this isn't really being read by many because I abandoned this blog or maybe because some people left Xanga....Bud, I know you're here and I appreciate it. SO much has happened. Something really awful happened a couple of months ago. I think I need to talk about it....I need to get it out of my system. I was raped by a business associate of ours. My husband knows. It took me a couple of weeks to tell him.  I haven't talked about it much. I think I have been avoiding dealing with it. Maybe next time.

So much has happened in my life since I stopped blogging.

I don't even think I would know where to begin to catch up.

I doubt anyone reads this anyway.

I'm on Facebook, but it isn't quite the same as far as being able to express myself.

Is anyone out there?